i daydream too much...

Tuesday, May 4, 2010 |
Let me start off by saying that I absolutely LOVE my life. I mean I have two amazing daughters: Lorelai Renee & Aubrie Danae. My husband, well, he's just such a RARE type of man that there should be parades and award ceremonies for! And at the end of the day when I sit back, relax, sip on some sleepytime tea with honey, I cannot even imagine life being any better. Or being, by any amount, more blessed. 

We aren't rich by any means but we are so truly happy. Not like the kind that comes from downing your favorite ice cream on a hot summer day kind of happy...I mean complete, fulfilling, washed over sense of contentment that only comes from feeling truely loved. And giving back that love in return. Life would be so boring without my little family. They bring color, excitement, adventure and some mishaps. We learn, grow and dream together.

One of my dreams for us is to live in San Diego [the place I call home] in the next couple of years. I have no doubt that we'll end up there eventually. I miss it. I mean like losing-a-childhood-best-friend kind of miss. The beaches, the city, fish tacos, my extened family and friends from college & high school. Sometimes it just makes me cry. I have nothing to cry about, only joy to beam about. But the ache sometimes is a bit overwhelming. Especially after talking to family that I used to see all the time and now haven't seen in 6-10 years. There's so much culture that I want to expose my daughters too on a daily basis and I cannot do that effectively here. There's no big culture community or fun free stuff to do. I would have LOVED to take my daughters & husband to the FREE Earth Day Fair at Balboa Park, or the museums there. There isn't ONE museum here. Better schools is another thing that is so very important. Education is vital to me. It's imperitive that our daughters receive the best education we can get them [read that as afford. haha!]

  Anyways the reason I'm writing this is because I sometimes feel guilty. As though by saying I'd rather us live somewhere else...ANYwhere but here, I am ungrateful. I am grateful. Extremely grateful. We have been blessed beyond measure and worthiness. God loves us and we can feel that everyday. Have any of you, due to marriage, job, family, or other reason, ended up living in some place that you do not like....or absolutely DETESTED?  Did you end up falling in love with where you moved? I see the small opportunities where we live & I'm not sure a better, more involved church exists ANYWHERE including California haha! Did you move back? Will you?


Jeanette said...

I feel the same exact way. Especially since the most recent news of our PCS... most people would be excited to go home and be surrounded by family but in my case it's the reverse. Our family has been made here, and although I'm sure it's a blessing to go home where we'll be surrounded by loved ones and old friends; I can't help but be sad at the fact. I have made every memory here and every home our little family has had has been here. I will miss it dearly but we must go where the Army sends us. All I can hope is that some day, we'll come back and retire here, in the back woods somewhere, surrounded by the wonderful landscapes and beautiful greenery. As for your daughters name change, it's great that you're doing it. She's your baby and you have to absolutely in LOVE with the name you gave her. No one liked my daughters name either [Kailani Grace] people would tell me it was too white, when it too is actually Hawaiian. Those same people had kids named Christopher, Vivian and Catherine. I mean WTF? LOL! I loved this blog!

Natasha Jane said...

Thank you lovie!!! Kailani Grace!!! OH I LOVE IT!!! I have heard that name and I LOVE LOVE IT! It's a beautiful Hawaiian name! [I am in love with all things Hawaii ... I'm quarter Hawaiian] You rock for not changing her name because some people didn't like it. Too White?!? What IS that? The certain person who hated the name Maile the most named her kids quite boring, unoriginal, uninspiring names also. I'm not into weird but original is something different.

I know that your move will be just amazing and I'm sure that you'll end up back where you are now or wherever you want to be! You're an amazing person and I know that blessings will RAIN DOWN! [in this example: rain is fun and thrilling. in case you're a rain hater LOL JK]

My hubby is talking about going back to the Army again, so I feel ya on the PCSing haha! I hate moving. I mean I love new experiences and making new friends but I hate the feeling of leaving. Ya know? I mean I HATE the town I live in, but I will BAWL LIKE A BABY when we leave it!

It's hard leaving everyone and an environment you've become accustomed to as well as become a family in...Praying for ya!

Jeanette said...

Thank You! Thank You! I agree originality is key... we wanted to name Ben "Makai" but that one my husband was an adamant no lol! To much for him I guess, so I settled for Benjamin Elias, bible names.

I love rain, It's part of the reason I hate to say goodbye =( but I know you're right. Sometimes blessings come in very unexpected ways, so I will keep an open mind. Who knows maybe someday, 2 years in the future you'll be there too and we'll meet for coffee somewhere and rant about how great the magazine has gone.

I know what you mean I'm great at making friends but not so great at saying goodbye and for me my friends are more family than my actual "Family". I will miss them all greatly.

I appreciate the prayers and shoot some back at you! XoXo!

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